at 52

My deck is now full

But my aces have been played

There's little left to do

And I am left the knave

Myself I cannot raise

This world I cannot save

The queen of hearts

Has torn me apart

And the king of clubs

Has beat me up

I, The joker smile through my pain

And continue this life in vain. 

beginning of a song?

We are all the beasts of Horn and hoof

From Bull and Buck to baby boer

I wish I had more reasons to keep going. Reasons that are meaningful to me, not the platitudes anti suicide people spew... 

I'm surprised how few witchy gay men seem to understand the power of seed... Or at least they waste a lot of opportunity to use it's power 

projection much?

He regularly tells me I don't love him... 

My education tells me that means he actually does not love me

My guess is he just doesn't know how to leave or he's afraid of my reaction.... 

Truth is the current state just leaves me in constant anxiety. 

validation

So last night after the stretching and fucking K, in talking about something*I* did during sex, said something to the effect of "when he orgasmed on my dick".... Talking about the assgasms I have... Loved how nonchalantly K referred to Beast as "he" rather then taking about him as me myself. 

whore

At least half the reason I'm such a whore is hopong I can find one of the truly psychos to end me... Since I can't seem to do it myself... 

Maybe someday...