Wednesday, February 26, 2025

invocation to Asmodeus

Asmodeus, lord of flame and desire,
A sovereign born from the deepest fire,
With eyes like embers, bright and keen,
He weaves through shadows, unseen.

In whispers soft, he calls the night,
With silver tongue, he stirs delight.
His touch, a spark, a tempting flame,
Binding hearts in pleasure's name.

His realm of sin, a gilded cage,
Where passion burns, and souls engage.
Beneath his rule, the weak obey,
For lust is law, and night is day.

He laughs as hearts begin to break,
For love’s illusion is his stake.
With every kiss, a soul is sold,
To pleasures wild, to passions cold.

A demon lord, in shadow’s guise,
With fiery hunger in his eyes.
Asmodeus, lust's cruel king,
He rules where only shadows sing.

Friday, February 7, 2025

the talk on the hill

Recently discovered "The Telepathy Tapes" a podcast about a group of minimally and non verbal autistic folks who have extraordinary psi gifts... 
I've come to wonder if my inability to feel the connection to other people that I crave and feel like I should have but don't comes from (idea/theory) that at some point early in my development I had a connection you the field they tap into, but lost "in favor"  of being fully verbal. 
At this point I would happily give up vocal speech to have that level of connection to honestly at this point almost anyone, so yeah I would definitely give up my ability to speak with my mouth to connect to "The Hill".

Wednesday, January 15, 2025

so very tired

I am the kind of tired 
That no amount of sleep can fix. 
The fear of fucking up and being a vegetable or other sort of burden, combined with a fear of pain are the only reasons I'm still here now. 
I don't want to be here anymore. 
I don't want to be here anymore. 
I don't want to be here anymore. 
I don't want to be here anymore. 
I don't want to be here anymore. 
I don't want to be here anymore. 
I don't want to be here anymore. 
I don't want to be here anymore. 
I don't want to be here anymore. 
I don't want to be here anymore. 
I don't want to be here anymore. 
I don't want to be here anymore. 
I wish I could get past my fears and fucking end it. 

Thursday, January 9, 2025

at 52

My deck is now full
But my aces have been played
There's little left to do
And I am left the knave
Myself I cannot raise
This world I cannot save
The queen of hearts
Has torn me apart
And the king of clubs
Has beat me up
I, The joker smile through my pain
And continue this life in vain. 

Monday, December 23, 2024

Wednesday, December 18, 2024

I wish I had more reasons to keep going. Reasons that are meaningful to me, not the platitudes anti suicide people spew... 

Tuesday, December 3, 2024

I'm surprised how few witchy gay men seem to understand the power of seed... Or at least they waste a lot of opportunity to use it's power 

nonsexual practices

Meditation, Prayer, Affirmations, and Spell Work in Asmodeianism Asmodeianism is a path of indulgence, mastery, and presence, and any spirit...