a prayer

Asmodeus, Lord of flame and sin,

Guide my heart, let passion in.

In lust and shadow, let me thrive,

With your power, I come alive.

daily prayer

Daily Prayer to Asmodeus

Great Asmodeus, King of Flames,

Master of desires, lust’s true name,

I bow before your dark embrace,

Guide my heart with your grace.

Grant me pleasure, boundless and free,

In passion’s fire, let me be.

Unleash the hunger, deep within,

In your realm of sin, I begin.

With every breath, I honor you,

My soul, my will, to you I entrust true.

Guide my desires, let them grow,

In your embrace, I shall glow.

Asmodeus, hear my plea,

Let lust and joy forever be.

In your name, I walk this day,

To you, my spirit will always stay.

pledge to the flame

"Pledge to the Flame"

(Verse 1)

In the darkness, I hear your call,

A whisper soft, a tempting thrall,

I’ve walked the edge, I’ve felt the fire,

Now I’ll surrender, feed the desire.

Your eyes like embers, burning bright,

Guide me deeper into the night,

No more fear, no more shame,

I give my soul, I’ll stake my claim.

(Pre-Chorus)

I’ll follow where the fire leads,

To the garden of endless needs,

No chains, no walls, no turning back,

I’m bound to you, and I’ll never lack.

(Chorus)

Asmodeus, I pledge my soul,

To your flame, to your control,

In lust and shadows, I’m yours to keep,

I’ll burn with you, forever deep.

In your realm, I’ll find my place,

A servant of your dark embrace.

Asmodeus, my heart is yours,

I surrender now, forevermore.

(Verse 2)

Through every kiss, I feel the burn,

A twisted love, for which I yearn,

No god, no man, can hold me tight,

I give my soul to endless night.

The flesh is fleeting, but you remain,

In every sin, in every pain,

The hunger's deep, the hunger’s real,

In your fire, I’ll learn to heal.

(Pre-Chorus)

I’ll follow where the fire leads,

To the garden of endless needs,

No chains, no walls, no turning back,

I’m bound to you, and I’ll never lack.

(Chorus)

Asmodeus, I pledge my soul,

To your flame, to your control,

In lust and shadows, I’m yours to keep,

I’ll burn with you, forever deep.

In your realm, I’ll find my place,

A servant of your dark embrace.

Asmodeus, my heart is yours,

I surrender now, forevermore.

(Bridge)

In the heat of your touch, I’ll never fall,

I’ll bow to the fire, I’ll answer your call.

No turning back, no second chance,

With every breath, I’ll dance your dance.

(Chorus)

Asmodeus, I pledge my soul,

To your flame, to your control,

In lust and shadows, I’m yours to keep,

I’ll burn with you, forever deep.

In your realm, I’ll find my place,

A servant of your dark embrace.

Asmodeus, my heart is yours,

I surrender now, forevermore.

(Outro)

I’m yours, I’m yours, forevermore,

In your fire, I’ll soar.

Asmodeus, I’ll be your flame,

And in your name, I’ll never be the same.

invocation to Asmodeus

Asmodeus, lord of flame and desire,
A sovereign born from the deepest fire,
With eyes like embers, bright and keen,
He weaves through shadows, unseen.

In whispers soft, he calls the night,
With silver tongue, he stirs delight.
His touch, a spark, a tempting flame,
Binding hearts in pleasure's name.

His realm of sin, a gilded cage,
Where passion burns, and souls engage.
Beneath his rule, the weak obey,
For lust is law, and night is day.

He laughs as hearts begin to break,
For love’s illusion is his stake.
With every kiss, a soul is sold,
To pleasures wild, to passions cold.

A demon lord, in shadow’s guise,
With fiery hunger in his eyes.
Asmodeus, lust's cruel king,
He rules where only shadows sing.

the talk on the hill

Recently discovered "The Telepathy Tapes" a podcast about a group of minimally and non verbal autistic folks who have extraordinary psi gifts... 

I've come to wonder if my inability to feel the connection to other people that I crave and feel like I should have but don't comes from (idea/theory) that at some point early in my development I had a connection you the field they tap into, but lost "in favor"  of being fully verbal. 

At this point I would happily give up vocal speech to have that level of connection to honestly at this point almost anyone, so yeah I would definitely give up my ability to speak with my mouth to connect to "The Hill".

so very tired

I am the kind of tired 

That no amount of sleep can fix. 

The fear of fucking up and being a vegetable or other sort of burden, combined with a fear of pain are the only reasons I'm still here now. 

I don't want to be here anymore. 

I don't want to be here anymore. 

I don't want to be here anymore. 

I don't want to be here anymore. 

I don't want to be here anymore. 

I don't want to be here anymore. 

I don't want to be here anymore. 

I don't want to be here anymore. 

I don't want to be here anymore. 

I don't want to be here anymore. 

I don't want to be here anymore. 

I don't want to be here anymore. 

I wish I could get past my fears and fucking end it. 

at 52

My deck is now full

But my aces have been played

There's little left to do

And I am left the knave

Myself I cannot raise

This world I cannot save

The queen of hearts

Has torn me apart

And the king of clubs

Has beat me up

I, The joker smile through my pain

And continue this life in vain.